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By Will “Deshair” Foskey
Week 7 took some pages out of the blaxploitation era in film. The “blowouts” were in rare form, and I’m talking the lump-sided ones. If you’re looking for parody this season, get a room to cry to yourself in, because it’s not happening. Minus the Tennessee Titan, bless their little hearts; if your team was getting it last year, they are getting it this year.
Oh, where are my manners. Last week on the wrap-up, we had a very special guest join us. You know him as one of the flashiest NFL players of all-time, the charismatic multi-talented, “Neon” Deion “It must be the Money” Sanders. Yes, the man and his vision are so important to the game, he gets two nicknames in one shot.
He told you not to take his picks and go gambling with them. However, if you didn’t listen, which I’m sure you didn’t, you might have made a few stacks whether in a “Straight Up” or “Spread” pool. He only missed like two games (Sorry, Giants). I can’t lie, I have my notepad close at hand for the next time he drops some knowledge.
On to the BLOWOUTS! Out of 13 games, there were 7. The lowly Raiders that I dared to place “inspired” in front of, took a 38-0 beating to the New York Jets. The beating was so bad, I’m sure that TMZ will come up with a picture of the assault in a few days. No really, the beating was so bad, the production team didn’t have anything else to do but place a camera on Mark “Latino in America” Sanchez chomping down on a hot dog. This was a Julius Irving type of blowout, combing pick included.
Cedric Benson lived out his sweet revenge versus the Chicago Bears, in Cincinnati’s 45-10 victory. Don’t get it twisted, Chicago had every right of cutting their first round draft pick when they did. We have eyes; Cedric wasn’t playing inspired football in the Midway. So I take it back, the 189 yards that Cedric scorched the Bears for wasn’t sweet revenge. These were the yards that he owed to the Bears. He’d still be a Bear if he had four games in one season that he had on Sunday. But really, the Bengals are looking good, like really good. I haven’t seen them play like this well since Carson Palmer went down in the playoffs to a cheap shot delivered by the Steelers. I need y’all to look out for this team. This was a Foxy Brown type of blowout. And if you think that I’m talking about the rapper, I feel for you.
The Colts bashed the Rams 42-6, The Patriots toasted Tampa Bay 35-7 in a game that was played overseas (where the currency speaks Guapanese) Green Bay clobbered the Cleveland Browns 31-3 and San Diego let loose on Kansas City 37-7. One more blowout in this paragraph and we would have had enough afro’s to bring the Jackson 5 back (RIP Michael Jackson, I know, just showing respect though).
But how about them Cowboys? I’m serious, how about them? Tony “Oh No” Romo pulled out some Whodini-like escapism which led to a touchdown, Patrick Crayton proved his worth to both offense and special teams, Miles “might have a nickname next week” Austin showed flashes of greatness that is making Roy Williams look like the #2 wide receiver that many have labeled him as, and the defense ranked 22nd in the league stepped it way up against the high flying Atlanta Falcons. Speaking of their defense, the engine that makes it run, DeMarcus “What You Think I Sack for, to Push a F*cking Rav-4” Ware finally got the contract extension he fought for, six-years, 78 million with a guarantee of 40 million. But now that you got your money DeMarcus, don’t get Cris Carter’d. The ESPN analyst recently called out Brandon Jacobs for his lack of production after getting his money (his contract year was his best year). That 22nd ranked defense is on your back now, so give it a lift.
As always, I can’t talk about every team in these wrap-ups. Favre 4.0 and the Minnesota Vikings took their first loss this weekend. I know that somebody is thrilled about that. I’d just like to hear from true fans; especially the fans that team took an “L” over the weekend. Let’s own up! Happy Halloween and all that…
Will “Deshair™” Foskey is a social journalist/blogger, born and raised in New Jersey. His most recent project, www.TheRacetoNowhere.blogspot.com has launched to rave reviews this past summer.
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