Once again, the clock strikes Friday and the weekend calls.
This month marks another year of Last Word being around to give you something
to talk about. Shout out to everybody who regularly checks in (the real
sounding boards) as well as those who stop by every blue moon and those who,
like, don’t like it cuz they just don’t like it. Thanks to the big boss lady
for letting me do what I do with this. It is appreciated.
And with that, here’s something different for this week.
Awards for the people who made an impact in the first half of 2009 with some
runners up to boot. Strictly entertainment in keeping with Last Word M.O. Nothing
too serious to think on.
This is…the first-ever LW Awards for the week ending June
19, 2009.
Ike Turner ‘Chick You Betta Not Check My Cell Phone
Again’ Award
Winner: Chris Brown
Was there any real competition for this honor? Breezy is the
obvious winner after his alleged pre-Grammy beating of Rihanna took him off
most people’s most likable guy list. And with his case going to trial likely
(not to mention talk of death threats), it will be interesting to see if he can
come out of this in one piece. But Brown is back in the studio working on a new
album so anything is possible.
In the future, Ashanti will handpick the crooner to co-star
in a big screen remake of
The Wiz. The
songbird will transition from Broadway to the movie theater as Dorothy. Brown
will fill Michael Jackson's shoes as the Scarecrow, Wesley Snipes replaces
Nipsey Russell as the Tin Man and Ja Rule comes aboard as the Cowardly Lion.
Rounding out the cast will be Alicia Keys as Glinda the Good Witch, Fantasia as
the Wicked Witch and Dave Chappelle, who will make his long-awaited comeback as
The Wiz. All in an effort to
prove that you too can walk away from a multi-million dollar set up to do your
part to help someone worse off than you clean up his act.
Make a Wish Foundation Award
Winner: Flavor Flav
Runners up: Ray J
and New York
It was a tough decision, but Flav took it by a narrow
margin. How else can you explain why the Public Enemy hype man got a chance to
pick from 20 women? Could it be VH1’s attempt to help a former A-list celebrity
regain his swag on the way to the D-list Hall of Shame? And with the ladies
doing whatever to win Flav’s heart, I guess love truly is blind.
In the future, Flavor Flav will eventually realize he is
meant to spend his quality time with his Surreal Life/Strange Love flame Brigitte Nielsen, who has retired from
molesting younger men. Look for VH1 to chronicle their renewed romance (and New
York’s attempt to sabotage the union) in the network’s upcoming celebreality
series All’s Fair in Love and Flav.
Silk E. Johnson Lifetime Hater Award
Winner: Etta James
Much respect to Ms. James for being a singing legend. But
even legends carry hate on occasion. Especially when someone else sings your
signature song (“At Last”) on the night the President is sworn into office.
“You know that woman he had singing for him, singing my song
– she's gonna get her a— whipped,” Etta said in February. “The
great Beyoncé ... But I can't stand Beyoncé. She has no business up there,
singing up there on a big ol' President’s Day ... singing my song that I've
been singing forever."
Tough words from the lady who later claimed the remarks were
said in jest. In the future, Etta James will headline Wrestlemania 26 in a no-holds barred last diva standing match
against Beyoncé. The winner will headline the I Was Only Joking When I Whipped
Your Ass tour, along with the winner of the Mashonda vs. Alicia Keys cage
smackdown, who will serve as the opening act for the outing.
R. Kelly Teflon Award (ain’t nothing sticking to him/her)
Winner: Jamie Foxx
He may have lost some fans with controversial comments on
Miley Cyrus, but Foxx has remained untouchable in the eyes of people who count
him among their favorite entertainers. Add that to the success of his latest
album, Intuition and kissing and palming
the backside of Halle Berry at a recent awards show, and 2009 has treated Jamie
pretty good. In short, just blame it on the talent. A little humor and
confidence goes a long way.
17 Minutes of Fame Award
Winner: Ray J
Again, another tight race, but the committee has spoken.
Every hot single that arrives every two or three years is another minute of
fame added on for Brandy’s little brother. And with another season of For the Love of Ray J set, it looks like Mr. Norwood could add another 2
¾ minutes to the mix. Hopefully without the “chart-topping” theme music.
Runner-up: New York
Once again, VH1 continues to play fairy godmother to those
in need of a glass slipper. Two shots at Flav, a show to find somebody special
and another to let America pick your next job? Can the next gig be a normal
life for New York? I’m just sayin’. No more drama (queens), please.
In the future, Ray J will team up with Flavor Flav for their
highly-anticipated Best of Both Worlds project called The Real Life aka What’s
Love Got To Do With It?
Rick Ross/Lil Wayne Everyday I’m Hustlin’ Award
Winner: Tyler Perry
Spike Lee may have a problem with Tyler Perry’s TV shows,
but you can’t deny the fact that the entertainment mogul is constantly working
on something to keep the dough coming in. Whether it’s House of Payne, Meet the Browns or movies featuring his most popular character,
Madea, Tyler has overcome a lot to get to where he’s at. Not even an alleged
stalker could throw him off making an impact in front of the camera or behind
the scenes with his own entertainment studio.
Runners-up: T-Pain
and Beyoncé
In the future, Tyler Perry’s next movie will feature Beyoncé
with T-Pain on the soundtrack. It will be called Diary of a Burned Out
Performer.
Swagga Like Bey Award
Winner: Ciara
From the synchronized dance moves to the metal costume and
gloves, it could be said that Ciara is doing her best to channel Beyoncé. Then
again, the same could be said for most female singers out now. Everybody wants
to be like Mrs. Carter. The only thing is it may never ever ever happen since
Beyoncé herself has been known to steal bits and pieces of somebody's technique
for her own purposes. But hey, if it works, it works. In the future, Ciara and
everyone else influenced by Beyoncé will hit the road for what will be known as
the Me, Myself and Imitators tour. Opening acts to be announced in the coming
weeks.
I’m a Star, But They Still Don’t Know Who I Am Award
Winner: Taraji P.
Henson
Oscar-nominated (for best supporting actress in The
Curious Case of Benjamin Button), but has
fallen victim to the Oscar curse. Will somebody give this lady a chance to
shine again? I’m a fan and I need to see more of her.
WTF Did You Put That Remix Out/Something to Talk About
Award
Winner: Keri Hilson
for the “Turnin’ Me On” remix
With a hit single(“Turnin’ Me On”) and healthy buzz for her
debut album, Keri was starting to get the props she deserved after being in the
background for so long. Then the “Turnin’ Me On” remix leaked and everything
shifted. They say any publicity is good publicity and nothing sells records
like controversy. But seemingly taking indirect shots at Beyoncé and Ciara and
having to do damage control to smooth things over seemed to be more energy than
it was worth. Still, Miss Keri came hard on it and is still doing her thing as
she has a hit album to her credit.
Riches to Rags Award
Winner: Amy
Winehouse
Do I really need to explain why? If you don’t know by now…
